You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.
And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!
It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.
But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.
As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby. A baby you once felt kicking. A baby who could hear your voice, and could respond to every one of your subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.
Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.
Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?
1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.
2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.
3) You remember what it’s like to hold your baby and love them unconditionally, even when they couldn’t respond to any of it.
4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it. But one day they will!
5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby is not more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)
6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)
7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.
All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.
* This article is dedicated to stillborn mommies specifically because my blog has this emphasis. So just to be clear, much of what is written here would apply to mommies who have miscarried as well. Your miscarried baby also makes you a mommy just like every other mommy! I wasn’t purposefully excluding you by any means. There’s something unusual about people’s responses to stillborn babies that made me want to write this.
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