Why Stillborn Mommies Deserve a Special Mother’s Day

woman-1284353_1280

You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.

And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!

It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to  desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.

But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.

As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby out of my body. A baby I felt kicking. A baby who could hear my voice, and could respond to every one of my subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.

Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.

Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?

Because………..

 

1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.

2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.

3) You remember what it’s like to hold your lifeless baby and love them unconditionally, even when they could not love you back.

4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it.

5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby does not make her more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)

6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)

7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.

All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

 

You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.

And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!

It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to  desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.

But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.

As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby out of my body. A baby I felt kicking. A baby who could hear my voice, and could respond to every one of my subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.

Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.

Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?

Because………..

 

1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.

2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.

3) You remember what it’s like to hold your lifeless baby and love them unconditionally, even when they could not love you back.

4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it.

5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby does not make her more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)

6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)

7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.

All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

woman-1284353_1280

 

You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.

And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!

It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.

But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.

As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby out of my body. A baby I felt kicking. A baby who could hear my voice, and could respond to every one of my subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.

Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.

Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?

Because………..

 

1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.

2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.

3) You remember what it’s like to hold your lifeless baby and love them unconditionally, even when they could not love you back.

4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it.

5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby does not make her more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)

6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)

7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.

All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

woman-1284353_1280

 

You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.

And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!

It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.

But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.

As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby out of my body. A baby I felt kicking. A baby who could hear my voice, and could respond to every one of my subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.

Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.

Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?

Because………..

 

1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.

2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.

3) You remember what it’s like to hold your lifeless baby and love them unconditionally, even when they could not love you back.

4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it.

5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby does not make her more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)

6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)

7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.

All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

You deserve your own special Mother’s Day, stillborn mommy. Yes, you should be honored and remembered in a specific way, and on a specific day, that wouldn’t apply to every other mommy. This is not to take anything away from other mommies who have not had the same life experience. All mommies should be honored on Mother’s Day, and every other day of the year for that matter. But you are different, stillborn mommy. You are a unique mommy. And since you are a unique mommy, you deserve your own special, unique day.

And even if you have other children besides your stillborn babies, then you should get two Mother’s Day holidays. One to celebrate you, for all you have done to love and sacrifice for your living children. And another to celebrate you, for all you went through during your pregnancy, and in delivering your stillborn baby. Not only that, but you deserve a special day to recognize everything you still do to keep their memory alive. You deserve it because of the unique pain that you still bear each day. Your sacrifice merits a different kind of recognition. Your story is truly one of a kind. And it’s time we saw some headlines about it!

It is not wrong, or prideful, of you to receive such a special holiday. It is not even wrong to desire it. You went through a specific pain other mommies didn’t. Yes, you both carried a baby in your tummy. You both went through your hormonal changes. You both got sick. You both saw your babies on the ultrasound. You both heard a heartbeat. You both took good care of yourselves. You both gained weight. You both endlessly shopped for maternity clothes. You both decorated a brand new room for the baby. Perhaps you both had a baby shower and did a registry. You both spoke joyfully, and incessantly, about how excited you were for delivery day. You both cried after the birth (for very different reasons of course). And most importantly, you both love your babies with all your heart.

But…………you didn’t get to celebrate like they did, after all that hard work you put in. I mean, you were eating right and exercising. You went to doctor appointments and birthing classes. You went to all your scheduled checkups. You got sick and were uncomfortable………like all the time. You did all this, and you still didn’t get to celebrate like they did. And after going through all that, you deserve a special day. No one else knows your pain. It is unique. It is not something you can even put into words. Why aren’t you recognized for your suffering? I don’t know. It is a mystery to me why stillborn parents get pushed to the bottom of the pain and suffering totem pole. It’s time that changed.

As a stillborn daddy, I only know a little tiny piece of what you went through. I was there when my Ariana was born. But obviously, I don’t know what it is like to deliver a dead baby. A baby you once felt kicking. A baby who could hear your voice, and could respond to every one of your subtle movements. You mommies do the real work. And I bet you would say that the pain of childbirth was nothing compared to the pain of seeing your lifeless baby afterwards.

Other mommies didn’t deal with that. It is a cruel thing that you had to go through. You had to watch other mommies smiling while looking at their new babies. You had to listen to your co-workers talk about how much fun they were having with their new baby. You heard them keep talking about how fast they go through diapers, and how much money everything costs. Or how they constantly talk about being awakened in the middle of the night because their baby won’t stop crying. Of course, they didn’t mean anything by it. But it still hurts really bad.

Your stillborn baby makes you a true mommy in every sense of the word! Even if you have never have any other children. You deserve your own special Mother’s Day. You deserve it today. Why?

Because………..

 

1) Your stillborn baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and your womb is the place where this miraculous event took place.

 

2) So few people try to empathize with the pain you have gone through, and still experience. A special Mother’s Day would help people recognize it more.

 

3) You remember what it’s like to hold your baby and love them unconditionally, even when they couldn’t respond to any of it.

 

4) You continue to love your stillborn, even though your baby is not here to return it. But one day they will!

 

5) The length of a baby’s life outside the womb has no bearing on whether or not you are truly a mommy. A mother of a living baby is not more of a mommy than you are of your stillborn. (I’ve written more about this topic here)

 

6) Your baby is not dead. He or she is alive more than ever! (more on that here)

 

7) The bond between mother and child begins in the womb and never ends. Is there anyone else in the world as anxious as you are to see your little one again? I think not.

 

All of these reasons, and many more, make you a mommy. Not a lesser mommy. But a true mommy just like any other. Except for the fact that you are unique in many ways. You are a mommy who deserves her own very special Mother’s Day! And you deserve it whether or not America, the UK, or any other countries recognize it.

—————

* This article is dedicated to stillborn mommies specifically because my blog has this emphasis. So just to be clear, much of what is written here would apply to mommies who have miscarried as well. Your miscarried baby also makes you a mommy just like every other mommy! I wasn’t purposefully excluding you by any means. There’s something unusual about people’s responses to stillborn babies that made me want to write this.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

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5 Unforgettable Moments You Had With Your Stillborn Baby

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“I can’t believe this is happening to me!” Is this what you were thinking the day you had your stillborn baby? Were you confused about why, and more importantly why you?Or maybe you were feeling anger or jealousy, thinking something like, “Why can’t I have a normal baby, a living baby, like everyone else in this hospital?” “Why do they get to have the joy of taking their newborn home, and instead I’m holding a dead baby?” Why? Why? Please, someone just tell me………why?

Even as a daddy, I struggled with the above questions. Although I’m sure I don’t struggle nearly as much, or as bad as you mommies do. But some questions never get answered for any of us, at least on this side of heaven. Just thinking about that day can bring back a teeter-totter of intense emotions. Your stress levels can spring back to unprecedented levels, can’t they? Your brain relives that time so vividly. Your mind can soar to the utmost heights of joy, and 5 minutes later sink to lowest depth of pain and sorrow. There were moments of despair and sheer terror when you were in the delivery room. But those same moments were also mixed with love, wonder, and hope. How can anyone even explain this? I lived through it and still can’t explain it. And no one, except for parents who have been through it, can even relate to what I am talking about. The whole experience is still shrouded in mystery.

Are you ever afraid you’re going to forget those precious moments you had with your lifeless baby? You know, those moments in the delivery room when he or she finally arrived? Are you ever afraid your memory will lapse on how it felt to be cradling your little one? Do you ever think you’ll forget that little boy or girl? The way they felt? The color of their eyes? The exact appearance of their face? What about the words you spoke to them as they lie motionless in your arms? Are things starting to become a blur over time? Are you scared of the moment slipping away from you?

Yes, we all have these fears when it comes to our stillborn babies. We’re afraid we will forget some of the most memorable few hours of our lives. Granted, this could happen. At least to certain degrees in most of us. We live in a fallen world, with minds that are also fallen. The sad fact is that, as some of us get older, we will forget some of the moments we had with our babies. This could be due to Alzheimer’s, senility, or simply old age. Nothing, not even our good memories of delivery day, will be perfect on a fallen earth.

But why do we have these intense fears regarding memories of our stillborn? Very simple. You fear losing those things you most treasure. You become almost obsessed with not losing them. Memories of our babies are precious. Especially since, for parents of stillborns, memories are all we have. And we may forget little tiny moments of that day, but certainly not the whole experience. Not even close.

By the grace of God, here are 5 gut-wrenching, tear-filled, but at the same time precious moments you will likely not forget about your sweet stillborn. As a daddy, my experience was much different than you as a mommy, of course. And although this one is written for both parents, I suspect mommies will relate to it more. Either way, I hope it blesses you. So let’s get to it, mommies and daddies. While there are many more things that could be added to this list, I hope you will never forget………….


1) The exact way it felt to hold your little baby in your arms for the first time.

Remember how you carefully made sure that their fragile, wobbly body was well protected, with their head placed sturdily underneath your arm? Remember trying not to injure them, and being ever so delicate with them? Trust me, whether or not you say you believe in God, you knew that your baby was created in His image. You cannot deny that. It shows in the way you treated your little one. The way you took extra care to make sure you held them like a baby should be held. The way you reacted when the nurses wanted to bathe and clothe your baby in a cute little outfit. You wanted to be a mommy and daddy just like every other parent. Stillborn babies are body and soul just like every other human being, created to bring glory to God and live forever. You must accept, and hold onto this truth, because you proved it in the delivery room. You loved and cradled your baby like the precious human being they truly are. And it felt amazing, didn’t it?!


2) The way you pretended you were going to take your baby home.

Remember the tears and overwhelming emotions when your baby was born? Was it joy or was it sadness? Was it both? I suspect it was both……..in some crazy, but unexplainable way. Delivery day!! YAY!! No wait……..“I can’t be happy! Can I??” At some point, you stopped worrying about what everyone else thought. You stepped full force into the messy and scary reality of what you were going through. You talked to your baby like you were giving them instructions, didn’t you? You told them how much you loved them, right? Even though you knew they couldn’t hear you, you still told them. You wanted to make that day as beautiful as it could possibly be. And that is the way it should be. That is our God given way of dealing with grief. No one was going to take your moment of joy away from you, even if they tried.

And you needed to pretend a little, didn’t you? You felt like you were going to take them home with you. You convinced yourself of this. Just for that short period of time, you pretended like you were like every other mommy and daddy in a delivery room. “Why should I be any different than them?” is what you were thinking. And you know what, it was ok to pretend. It was ok to pretend that you were taking your baby home. We allow little kids to have that kind of mind sometimes, right? We wouldn’t dare condemn every kind of “pretend” game. How else could you have enjoyed those few moments you had with your baby? The mind is an amazing thing! It gives us the ability to enjoy precious moments, even in the midst of awfully intense sorrow. Both at the same time. It allows us to momentarily shut things out a little bit, doing away with emotions that will only complicate things. That’s what I did with Ariana. I held her like she was coming home. I spoke to her like she was coming home. It made the time go much better. Was it like that for you?


3) That moment when your precious little first came out of your body……..silently.

It was a deafening sound of silence. I know that is an oxymoron, but it wasn’t like any other silence. It was a silence you could only feel. A silence you can still vividly imagine when your mind travels back to that day. Remember how you were hoping and praying, and wishing real hard, that your baby would just start crying, despite all the medical evidence that said he or she was already dead. I knew Ariana was gone before we went to the delivery room that day. The ultrasound proved as much the day before her birth. But I still kept holding onto hope. Maybe I had seen seen too many movies. I don’t know.

But I believed miracles happen. I wasn’t a Christian at the time. But I still believed that God existed, and that He performed miracles. I still thought I would get my prayers answered. Yes, I really thought we were going to get a miracle on February 20th, 2002. Looking back, I imagine Ariana coming out of the womb crying like other babies, looking at me as if to say, “Daddy, why do you look so frightened? Have faith! I am alive! I am a living miracle! Come over here and give me a hug!” But it wasn’t meant to be. You know how people say “crickets” all the time now when speaking about silence. That was the answer God gave me. “Crickets” was all I heard from my little girl. Mommy was moaning in pain. The nurses were speaking encouraging words. I was silent. Silent and crying. And my baby was silent. I know yours was too.


4) The thoughts you had when you had to give your baby back.

How cruel it felt to give your baby back to the people at the hospital, knowing that the next time you see your little……..he or she will be in a casket. Knowing that your hope has now been disintegrated, you feel like there is no reason to have joy ever again in your life. Now, all you can think about is how you have to lie in that bed and listen to all the other babies screaming and crying in the other rooms. You have to somehow hold up under the weight of what feels to be an unbearable load. You have to drive home with that empty car seat in the back.

It has been said that picking out a casket for a baby is one of the most dreadful experiences one could ever go through. The person who said this may be right, but they are missing the whole picture. Here’s the thing. You also had to see that casket being lowered into the ground. Did you think about seeing your little being lowered into the ground when you gave them back at the hospital? Maybe you suppressed that truth in the moment. But not long after, you knew it was coming.

Don’t forget that moment at the cemetery. I know it’s painful, but do not forget this moment. Why? Because it is a part of your story. It is a part of you that no one should ever forget about. It is a reminder that this world is not as it should be. You had to give your baby back. And that is not the way it should have gone down. Mommies and daddies should not be handing back their babies at hospitals. But there is hope!


5) The moment when you first thought about where your baby really is.

You know what? The casket is not your baby’s home. Neither is the grave. Read those last two sentences again. You know what else? The day you delivered your stillborn wasn’t all about pretending was it? Maybe the part about taking them home was, but there is a greater truth that should’ve kept us going. And if this truth didn’t keep you going in the delivery room then, please make sure it keeps you going now. Your stillborn baby is now, and forever, in a place of infinite joy and pleasure.  I keep thinking about where my little girl was in spirit, even though she was lifeless in my arms. You can do the same. Even better, you can think about where your baby is now. They’ll be dancing on streets of gold one day, when they have their glorified bodies. And that is not pretend. That is for real.

Your baby’s spirit is now with Jesus. So even if you do end up with a tragic disease of the mind and forget about your baby, HE never will! And if you are in Christ, you will see your baby again. And no one, and I mean no one, can ever take that truth away.

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Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

If You Keep Me Daddy, I’ll Be Your Princess

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                       Dear Daddy,

Will you please be my hero? Will you help mommy? Will you help her take care of me?
Don’t be like those other daddies, cowards who run from their children, who get scared and flee.
And don’t be like daddies who hate their unborn babies, and encourage mommies to kill.
Will you be my hero and keep me? Will you let me live? Will you let me have that thrill?

Will you be there for me? After I am born, will you hold me? Will you change my diaper?
When I’m older, will you still be there for me? Will you calm me down when I am hyper?
Will you watch over me when boys try to date me? Will you question them really hard?
Daddy, your face looks really sad. Is that a tear in your eye? Am I catching you off guard?

Why are you taking me to the scary place? The place where they will take me from mommy?
How can you do this? You remember that ultrasound? Don’t act like you never saw me!
Daddy, all I ever wanted was to be born just like you were. Don’t I have the right?
But you’re taking me to the bad people. They’re coming to get me. Won’t you even put up a fight?

Will you be there to save me from the bad people? Will you do everything you should?
Keep them away daddy! Do you see them trying to hurt me? People from Planned Parenthood.
Daddy, I want you to know I love you. I want to be with you and mommy! Will you please change your mind?
And don’t worry daddy. I won’t even know that you wanted to abort me, that you wanted to leave me behind.

And even if I did find out, I would still forgive you and mommy; I know you both just got scared,
And if you keep me, I will be the best daughter ever! Please give me a chance. Will my life be spared?
Daddy, there isn’t much time. Will you please hurry? Did you know mommy is on her way to the abortuary?
The place they are going to murder me, tearing me to pieces. Oh daddy, I told you this place was so scary!

Please hurry! Will you come and get me? Remember, I am your baby girl! Won’t you be my hero?
I am God’s gift to you and mommy. Don’t extinguish my time. If you don’t hurry, my days will be zero.
Don’t you fear the Lord Jesus Christ? The One who created you and me. I am His precious child,
I want you to keep me. But I also want you to be forgiven by Jesus. Repent and be reconciled.

Be my hero now daddy. Go get mommy and tell her to stop, please, before it’s too late.
You know those really bad people of Planned Parenthood? They have so much hate!
Don’t let them hurt me! Stop listening to those voices of the world, your flesh, and the devil,
Because those bad people, they listen to those voices all the time; their evil is on another level.

Daddy, hurry, be my hero! I always wanted to be a princess. I wanted to learn to ride a bike. I want to get married,
What are you going to tell everyone if you let them murder me? Are you going to tell them mommy miscarried?
Oh daddy, I want you to always be there for me and mommy. I want you to read me Bible stories. Isn’t my life worthwhile?
Won’t you let me be born? Won’t you let me be your Princess? Daddy, one day, are you going to walk me down the aisle?

With love,

your little princess

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Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

A Letter To My Beautiful Bride: Happy Anniversary From Your Undeserving Husband

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                               Dear Leah, my beautiful bride,

It was a rather simple day, much like any other, as I walked toward my computer, wondering what to do, not knowing my life story was being rearranged,
As God was working something amazing for His glory and my good, as I clicked onto a Christian dating site, my world would forever be changed.
I began searching for a woman, a woman who loved Jesus, who loved Scripture, a woman with character, a woman who cared about right and wrong,
I found you, and so much more; God gave me a woman who loved Jesus, who was a beauty to behold. You stole my heart; I wanted to break out in song.

From the day I first saw your profile picture, an Asian beauty, standing in a pretty yellow dress; I never could have imagined that you would see anything in me,
I never thought that God would so richly bless me, that you would one day pledge to be mine in marriage; Am I imagining this? How can this be?
My mind is still swimming in elation, still thankful every day to my great God and Savior, that this Asian beauty, Leah Francis, has become my bride,
On that very special day, in June of 2008, you graced your way down the aisle toward me; you chose to spend your earthly life walking with me, side by side.

Thank you Leah………….

For marrying me, even with all of my many imperfections,
For caring enough about me, to lovingly offer me correction.
For helping me to be a better husband, one who treats you with care,
Oh Leah, to think of life without you, is a thought I cannot bear.

Thank you Leah…………..

For putting up with me when I’m a total mess,
For lifting me up when I am depressed, and………
For loving me when I am stressed.
And though I have been for you a very difficult test,
Your love doesn’t judge me; you always give your very best.

And thank you Leah……………….

For watching me dance………horribly I must say………and patiently listening to me sing,
And for the day you said “YES” to my nervous marriage proposal, and accepted my ring.
For laughing at my jokes, even though few…….well……none of them are really that funny,
For being so kind and encouraging, making our home always feel so bright and sunny.

You may not think it’s true, but I think you are truly stunning,
When I see your beautiful face, it makes me come-a-running.
I cherish every moment with you; I love to hear your every thought,
How gracious God has been to me! I’m enjoying every moment He has brought.

Nine years after our wedding, it still feels to me like a dream come true,
That I get to call you my bride, grow old together, and share my life with you.
You are too good for me, and I received far better than I deserve, a woman who loves Jesus, an Asian beauty who stole my heart,
I have to pinch myself every day, because I still can’t believe you looked into my eyes and spoke these words, “Till death do us part.”

I hope you enjoy this little poem, even though you’re worth so much more,
For you are more than just beautiful, kind, and gracious; you are the woman I adore.

 

Happy Anniversary Leah!! I love you!!

Your undeserving husband,  Jamie

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Your likes or comments are always appreciated! I will do my best to respond to each one. And if you enjoy my posts, I wouldn’t mind an extra subscriber either. (-:  God bless you, and thanks for stopping by!  – Jamie

Happy Mother’s Day to My Mom, Who Now Loves Jesus

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Dear mom,

Happy Mother’s Day, I hope you enjoy your day and don’t spend it worried or stressing,
I hope you find great joy in Jesus today, as you bask in what Christ has given you, which is every spiritual blessing.
I have seen you grow over the last few years in the knowledge of God through the Scripture,
Your Bible is worn out whenever I come to visit, and that sight is for me a very beautiful picture.

I hope you know what a joy it is for me to have fellowship with you, knowing that you are not only my earthly mother,
But because we are in Christ, with God as our Father, this means you are forever my dear sister, and I am your brother.
How wonderful it is to hear you on the phone proclaiming your devotion to the gospel of Jesus Christ, the King of kings,
Not worrying about the opinions of others, the cares of this world, or anything else that falls under the “lesser things.”

Thank you, mom, for all your hard work with dad, raising me, caring for me, and watching over me,
And even though we did not know Jesus back then, He is working in us now, He has set both of us free.
How wonderful it is to see how far He has brought you, transferring you from the domain of darkness into His glorious light,
I hope we spend the rest of our lives giving praises to His Name, for He has saved us by grace alone, rescuing us from our plight.

Mom, I don’t know how many more years the Lord will give me on earth with dad and with you,
But God declares the promise of eternal life to those who trust in Christ, and His Word is always faithful and true.
I know that when one of us dies, the loss is only temporary, for one day we will both be in the presence of the King, together with all the saints,
And we will forever worship the Lamb of God, without sickness, without sin, without crying or pain, and absolutely no restraints.

You inspire me to be bold in my faith, for I know that you speak to other family and friends about the glorious gospel,
By telling them they must repent and believe, even when they have no interest, and often act offended, like they are hostile.

But you continue to hold to the truth, regarding salvation, the sanctity of life and marriage, not knowing how anyone will react,
And you tell them that Jesus is the only Way, that His Word is the truth; I have even seen you give total strangers a gospel tract.

You have increased in your love for Christ and for others, all of this over the last few years,
The love you have shown for Leah and I, and the rest of the family, could bring me to tears.
You have shown kindness and generosity, sacrificed and given your time, proving that the Holy Spirit is your guide,
And I know you would do it all over again, if it meant that others would benefit, and that Jesus Christ would be glorified.

Thank you mom, for always thinking and praying for Leah and I, for showing us hospitality when we visit, and for cooking all of your amazing Italian food,
For letting me know that God is in control when I’m stressed, and that He loves me; this shows me that you are becoming more like Jesus, that is all I can conclude.
Thank you for recording all those sermons every time I visit, and watching them with me; it warms my heart to know that we both enjoy listening to good preaching,
And don’t you ever think you failed me in any way, just because you came to Christ late in life; you are finishing well mom, and all of your love is providing me some really great teaching.

Thank you for being there when my precious Ariana died, for always remembering her birthdays, for holding her and helping me through the difficult pain,
For comforting me with words that only a mom can give, everything you spoke was done with love and compassion, it all mattered to me, none of it was in vain.
We all know that you are a precious gift from God; Gina, Steph, Leah, Dad, Mike, and all of your grandkids would  agree,
That we all love you; you are cherished by all of us, and most importantly, remember that Jesus loves you; that is a guarantee!

                                          With much love in Christ,

                                                 Your son,  Jamie