10 Steps to Become ‘Enlightened’ on Social Media

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1) Watch any super high quality video recorded from somebody’s iPhone that has recently gone viral. 

But don’t wait too long. You don’t want other ‘enlightened’ people to steal your thunder before you get to virtue signal like crazy on social media.

 

2) Make sure that you get very angry when watching the video, so as to……………

a) give yourself the illusion that you actually care about any of the people in the video.

b) give yourself the illusion that you were actually……….well…………THERE!

c) give yourself the illusion that your emotional reaction to the video is the Be-all and End-all determining factor of what really happened, and the end of any possible discussion about the video.

d) give yourself the illusion that anyone else cares what you think.


3) Do not fact check any of the circumstances that surrounded what came “before” the video started filming.

Just don’t. It would be a totally boneheaded move on your part. Remember, you’re supposed to look like an expert, not a fool. Be wise!

 

4) Do not fact check any of the circumstances that surrounded what came “after” the video ended.

Obviously!

 

5) And for the love of all things good and noble, do not fact check anything that you disagree with during the video.

Come on! Should I even need to write this one??!!

 

6) Write a Facebook rant.

Ummm…….Duuhhh. And make sure to virtue signal like crazy! You can’t get more enlightened than that, can you?

 

7) Make absolutely sure that your own worldview prevails in the Facebook rant, regardless of what the real story is.

Even when you find out the real truth, never admit that you were wrong. You can never do that. Remember, you are the expert on everything.

 

8) Spread false information and/or seriously misrepresent anything or anyone you disagree with. 

The leftist activists will love you for this one. Make sure to tag them in the rant.

 

9) Get nasty with anyone who disagrees with anything you say.

The leftists will really love you for this one. Keep tagging them.

 

10) Make sure…………..no, in fact…………make absolutely sure that you blame Donald Trump and other conservatives for whatever happened in that video.

Yes, even if it was fake news. Even if the video was found to be fabricated. It was their fault. Do your civic duty and make sure the american people know this.


Bonus Step #11) 
Use plenty of emojis in your rant.

Because when you use angry cartoon faces with your meaningless words, it gives them value. You are never truly emotional if you don’t use angry emoji faces. And you don’t really mean what you say, unless you use emojis. Emojis are the real deal. 

 

My feeble attempt at tongue-in-cheek. If you don’t like it, go ahead and rant about it if you like. Just make sure to blame Trump, not me.

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